Thursday, April 28, 2011

Exoneration For My Mother

An Important Exoneration for My Mother:

I need to clarify something very important...

My mother and I have a very long history of a love/hate relationship.  There were many things she did (and sometimes still does) to hurt me.  I want it to be clear that I have been equally hurtful in retaliation to her. 

I do believe she was a poignant contributing factor to much of my self-destruction endeavor that lasted from age 9 until age 23 (when the pregnancy with my first child saved me from myself).  But I know, that even when I couldn't feel it, she has always loved me.

There are many ways in which she has changed over the past 10 years.  We are still love/hate friends but I cherish the relationship we have worked very hard on growing.  There are many holes in it that will never be filled... we still have a tendency to hurt each other in ways that no one else can.

We have both worked very hard to heal a very co-dependent, often broken relationship.  We will never get all of those kinks worked out, but the point I am trying to make : we both have made countless mistakes.  At the end of the day (or maybe a few months), she is now and ever shall be my Mother - and even though we sometimes need distance from each other, there is Nothing I won't forgive her for...
...and I think (and hope) she feels the same about me.

--K.Roessler 4/29/11

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